I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a client or friend say, “I don’t want to come across as self-promotional.” It’s often whispered, almost like a confession. And just as often, I hear women gossip about other women they think are “too self-promotional.”
Here’s the irony: Men who talk confidently about their work are usually called “visionary,” “charismatic” or “thought leaders.” Women who do the same? They’re “braggy,” “too much” or “self-promotional.”
This double standard doesn’t just sting. It silences.
When women feel pressure to downplay their accomplishments, they shrink themselves in ways that cost them career opportunities, influence and the chance to lead meaningful change in their industries. And when women don’t claim their space (or what’s known as their personal brand), organizations lose out on powerful voices that could shape culture, innovation and growth.
The truth is, visibility is not vanity. Talking about your work isn’t bragging, it’s leading. It’s teaching, inspiring and modeling courage for those who come after you.
I think about this often as the mother of three daughters and the founder of a company with a predominantly female team. Both at home and at work, I’m surrounded by brilliant, capable young women who are watching how the world treats those who step into the spotlight.
What message do we send when we celebrate confidence in men, but criticize it in women? We’re not just nitpicking language, we’re shaping ambition. My daughters, like the women on my team, are internalizing these signals. Be accomplished, but not too visible. Lead, but don’t draw too much attention. Share your success, but do it quietly enough to keep everyone comfortable.
That’s not leadership. That’s a cage.
I want my daughters to inherit a world where their voices aren’t muted by fear of being judged for “showing off,” and where their ideas aren’t discounted because they dared to speak them out loud. I want them to see women leaders who claim their impact and workplaces that reward that courage instead of punishing it.
Because the next generation is watching us closely. And if we keep labeling women as “self-promotional” when they simply own their accomplishments, we’re not just undermining today’s leaders, we’re teaching our daughters to play small tomorrow.
It’s time to flip the script. For women, that means reframing “self-promotion” as self-advocacy and taking the time to define what we are uniquely good at — our skills, our values, our passions — and building a personal brand that reflects that truth. A brand rooted in authenticity is not about bragging, it’s about clarity. It’s how we show the world what we stand for and the difference we make.
For companies, it means recognizing that you can’t say you value women in leadership and then penalize them for showing up with confidence and excitement about their contributions.
When women claim their personal brand, it’s not ego, it’s meaningful impact. And when we stop treating women’s visibility as suspect — the very double standard that too often silences women leaders — we don’t just create stronger leaders and businesses. We raise a generation of girls who grow up knowing their voices and their gifts matter. They will never question whether they belong in the room. They will walk in knowing the room has been waiting for them all along.
Visibility, after all, isn’t vanity. It’s courage, influence and the promise of making a tangible difference in the workplace and in the world.
Lauren McKinnon is the founder and CEO of Project Mockingbird, a social impact PR and communications agency with a presence in Dallas, Fort Worth, Austin, Denver and Little Rock.
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