Survivor stories from Women & Children First graduates, as told by Angela McGraw, WCF executive director
Sarah*, WCF graduate
“Sarah came to WCF so broken. Her abuser had taken all of her vital records and documents from her. Without a birth certificate, she had a difficult time getting an ID card, much less a job. Her situation was so lethal that she had fled from a nearby state to get to WCF. She was angry at everyone when she arrived at the shelter. I finally said, ‘Can we just start over and have breakfast as if I’m just present to hear your experiences?’ I wanted to understand where the pain and frustration was coming from, and she allowed me in. Sarah recently graduated. I saw her outside on the sidewalk a few weeks ago and she said she’d found a full-time job and wanted to know how long she had to be away before she could apply for a job at the shelter. As she was walking away, she grabbed her necklace and said, ‘Ms. Angela, I don’t go anywhere without it.’ She’s alive and she is so special to us. What an honor to watch her break the cycle.”
Rosemary*, WCF graduate
“Rosemary has four children, but the oldest, a teenager, stayed behind to live with the father. She has been married for 21 years. It’s been abusive since the beginning, but she was very young. In fact, she was 17 when she ran away with him because she was ‘in love.’ Shortly after they married, they moved from Little Rock to a small Arkansas town. She was taken from her family and support to a town surrounded by everyone who knew his family and would do anything for them. She was very isolated and was not allowed to leave the house, get a job or have friends. She shared with me that she grew up in a home where her father was abusive to her mom and that she couldn’t wait to leave. She was very angry at her mom for not leaving but even more mad because she couldn’t stop it.
“Rosemary tried leaving on two separate occasions, but the last straw was an exceptionally violent incident that happened in front of her kids. Her teenager tried intervening and was crying and begging for the father to stop. Law enforcement transported her from the small town to WCF.
“There were many challenges when she got to the shelter. Three of her children, one of which is autistic, entered the shelter with her. She didn’t have a GED and all of her personal documents were gone. She had a $192 ticket for expired tags, no job, no self-esteem and was not sure how she could live on her own. She also felt unable to control her feelings and was extremely upset about her kids and what she felt like were uncontrollable outbursts from them.
“While at WCF, she was able to get her marriage license and ID so she could begin the legal process. She got into cosmetology school, her kids are all in school and are working with counselors and her autistic child has resources to help. She also attends parenting classes through Arkansas Children’s Hospital to help her handle her childrens’ emotions and autism. The WCF staff was able to help her get the ticket waived. Her self-confidence has exploded and she smiles every time we see her. Things she never thought she would be able to do on her own, she is able to do.”
Angela McGraw, WCF executive director
“My dad was killed in a car accident when I was 12, and he was my rock and foundation. Shortly after that, I had a cousin who was 10 years older than me start sexually abusing me for a total of three years. The criminal justice system was extremely cruel to me and I was pretty angry at God and the world. I moved out of my mom’s home the day I graduated from high school and was looking for love in all the wrong places. I met my abuser shortly after.
“After my oldest daughter was born, the physical abuse started. The first time I left, she was 18 months old. We were homeless for awhile. I would park my car beside people’s homes that I knew, or we would sleep in parks. I opened the surgery department at the hospital, so I would drop off my baby at daycare at 4:30 a.m., open the surgery dept. and leave her at daycare till 6 p.m. because I didn’t want our homelessness to affect her. We would sneak into the YMCA to take showers, as I was aware of a door that was left cracked.
“I was never told about the shelter or other services and, honestly, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. I eventually went back. This was seen as an opportunity for me to figure out how to get out safely, but I wasn’t sure what that meant either. I had another little girl, but I also changed departments in the hospital and surrounded myself with support. Slowly, people around me started sharing the resources that could help me. I started feeling stronger, and my self-esteem started rising. My support system was becoming strong.
“Victims have that ‘aha’ or ‘rock bottom’ moment. Mine was when a high school classmate’s husband walked into their mobile home and shot all three of her little girls in their backs while they were sleeping, shot my friend and then turned the gun on himself. The girls were all under 5. That was my moment. I truly believed that my partner would kill us, and he had threatened it many times to friends and me. In fact, he would state that they would find our bodies where my dad took his last breaths. I left exactly one month to the day after that incident.
“I remarried, my husband adopted my two oldest daughters and we have six kids together. We moved to Little Rock in 2001, where I was introduced to WCF simply by picking up a phone book and calling to volunteer. My personal story helps me be a great advocate, but education is important to me also.”
* Name changed
Men Behind the mission
When: Saturday, Feb. 6
Where: Marriott Hotel Grand Ballroom
Tickets + info: WCFMenBehindTheMission.org
(For more, see Women & Children First and Board Chair Cathy Browne Helps Victims Take Control)