Editor’s note: We’re happy to introduce a new local series: Southern Girl Academy. Over the next year, you’ll be treated to monthly lessons designed to highlight the sass, grace and allure of Southern women. Enjoy, ya’ll!
Mark Twain, author, rabble-rouser, Southerner, all-around excellent gentleman, once proclaimed, “Southerners talk music!” This is true for Southern women, only more so. No matter the pitch or timbre of her voice, the sound of a Southern girl’s speech is sweeter than Tupelo honey.
In recent years, “Southern” seems to have been equated with “Redneck.” We here at the Southern Girl Academy aim to remedy that ugly bit of misinformation. Yes, the South is full of hicks and hillbillies and mountain men and river rats, but no Southern girl worth her weight in cornbread talks ignorant.
According to folks who know such, there are no less than nine different dialects that fall under the Southern American English linguistic umbrella. It may take some doing, especially for non-natives, but any fine-tuned ear can pick out a Hotlanna diphthong (look it up, y’all), a Chawlston drawl, or a Tennessee twang. The very best of us can narrow down other Southerners’ speech to the very county of its origin, especially if that county is home to an SEC university.
Words just sound better coming out of a Southern girl’s mouth. They are slower and gentler than Yankee language. (One might blame the harsh Northern winters for such harsh sounds. One never knows.) There’s a reason quintessential Southern girl Scarlett O’Hara charmed all the men, and it wasn’t her skill at converting curtains.
Here’s a little lesson on the how-do’s and the don’t-you-look-darlin’s of Southern Lexicon:
- Greet others with a “Hi, y’all” and a “How’s your mama?” It’s just polite and it shows you care. Bonus points if you ask about their mama’s tomato plants or flower bed. Don’t mention their cousin’s recent “misfortunes.”
- Don’t ever, and we do mean never, use the word “ain’t.” It’s lazy and ugly. Southern girls don’t do ugly.
- Never underestimate the power of uttering “Bless your heart” to keep from saying what you really feel.
- Should we be faced with a particularly squishy-faced baby, a Southern girl will exclaim, “Well isn’t he sweet!”
- If a visitor has worn out his welcome, a Southern girl mentions how “nice it was of you to stop by” as she opens the door.
- When a less-skilled cook burns the breakfast eggs, a Southern girl comments that the grits were heavenly.
Southern girls are storytellers and (almost) always tell the truth, but do so with grace and, yes, our trademark sass. Tale’s been told that a diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip. If that’s true, then Southern girls may very well be the ultimate diplomats.
Savannah Butler is an umpteenth generation Southern girl. She enjoys the scent of magnolia trees, the taste of sweet tea and the thrill of the Kentucky Derby. She lives a funny life filled with funny people, and to repay them, she blogs about it at www.ChasingMyBees.com.