Are you like me and everyone else I know? That is, always looking for ways to increase my mindfulness and resiliency to stress? In the new year, I invite you to try something a little different with your mindfulness practice. Or if you’re new to mindfulness practice, then I invite you to try this as an altogether new way to be present and better manage your stress.
Mindful self-compassion is a mindfulness practice that incorporates self-kindness, and for many is a transformative practice that can more easily make its way into your day-to-day life. Drs. Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer created the program, and according to Neff, “Happiness stems from loving ourselves and our lives exactly as they are, knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are all essential to the full human experience.”
Mindful self-compassion is designed to give you the opportunity to establish a solid and secure base within yourself. I like to think of it as creating in yourself a good friend who is always available to support you and who continues to support you no matter what. We must learn to hold ourselves in loving awareness before we can begin to hold our experiences that way.
Self-compassion is treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding as we would treat a friend when they need us or treating ourselves as we would like others to treat us. It’s the reverse Golden Rule: Do unto yourself as you would do unto others.
The three main components of mindful self-compassion are:
» Mindfulness – paying attention to our experience, recognizing how we feel and then naming our experience (For example: “I feel overwhelmed and it doesn’t feel good.”)
» Common humanity – remembering we are not alone in struggling and that everyone struggles, reminding ourselves that “Struggling is a part of life and part of being human, and I am not alone,” which decreases risk of isolation and shaming behaviors
» Self-compassion – offering ourselves warmth and encouragement when we are struggling, by putting our hands over our heart or wherever it’s supportive and telling ourselves something like, “May I be kind to myself and give myself what I need” or “I will not allow myself to be harmed in this way any longer. May I have the courage and strength to make a change” (If you’re having difficulty finding the right words to comfort yourself, you can imagine what you would tell a dear friend who was struggling.)
Each of us encounters events every day in which we can apply mindful self-compassion. To begin, schedule 10 minutes each morning or evening to do this practice for yourself. Over time, it will begin to be a more automatic response to stressful events in real time. To learn more about this practice, visit the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion website.
May this year be your year to show up for yourself in a mindful and self-compassionate way!
Kerrie Lauck is a certified mindfulness teacher providing training through her company KLauckwork and is an attorney with nearly 25 years of experience in the public and private sectors.
