Shana Nolen
Head of School, The Anthony School
Q: How can I raise a child who is confident and independent?
A: Every parent wants to raise a capable, confident child. Ironically, one of the best ways to do that is often by helping a little less.
Children build confidence by doing things for themselves. Packing a backpack, ordering a meal, talking with a teacher, solving a disagreement with a friend — each small success quietly tells them, “I can do this.”
This school year, before jumping in, pause and ask yourself one simple question: “Can my child do this without me?” If the answer is yes (or even maybe), consider stepping back. It may take longer. It may be messier. They may even fail. And that’s okay.
Every time children solve a problem, recover from mistakes or accomplish something on their own, they strengthen the belief that they can do hard things. That inner confidence becomes the foundation for resilience, responsibility and sound decision-making long after childhood.
Our job isn’t to remove every obstacle. It’s to prepare children to navigate them. That’s why psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikurs’ advice has stood the test of time: Never do for a child what he can do for himself. It isn’t about expecting more from children, it’s about believing more in them.
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